i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
