im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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