Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize