I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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