Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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