The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
