Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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