I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
