dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bring me that man meat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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