it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
