The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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