just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
