i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my poor anus
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
