I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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