so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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