He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
