I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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