So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
