I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
