he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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