he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
