Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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