Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
