respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
