he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
