Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
