Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
