Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
