why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
