Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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