Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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