If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
