Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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