I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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