3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
