umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
