sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
