There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i came on her dog
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
