we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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