I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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