I feel great
I just peed on a car
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
