checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
