wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
