Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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