I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
