2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
