You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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