i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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