Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
