I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
