sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize