try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
