this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I could fuck to npr.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
