dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
