oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
