I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
