if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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