i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
