I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
