i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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