so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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