Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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