Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
