I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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