I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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