then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life is so much better after having sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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