last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
