what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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